Resurrection.

First off, I would like to offer my apologies for having not posted in...quite some time. A lot of things have been changing, rapidly, and I honestly didn't know how to put my feelings into words for the longest time.

Now, I most certainly can.

When you start to fall in love with someone, you never expect to look back on your time together with total disdain and regret. I wish I could think of more happy memories, but the few I have are tainted. Almost a year and a half of feeling like I was never good enough, never quite right, always in the wrong, and made to feel like everything I loved was not as important as anything else.

Well, three weeks later, with these eyes wide open, I can tell you, my friends and family were still here waiting for me. They didn't give up on me, and that means enough as is. I'm slowly remembering who I am, and re-learning how to be comfortable with this woman that I cannot change (even though, I did try my damndest). I am strange, I am funny, I am beautiful, I am intelligent, I am tattooed, I love to dance, I love to read, I love to sleep in on my days off, and I love to work. I can now be and do all these things unashamedly, and it's the best feeling in the absolute world.

It hit me the other day at around five in the morning, sitting in a Waffle House off the interstate, dressed in fishnets and a tutu, with the company of two of the most genuine, intelligent, witty, surprising men I've known in my travels, while listening to Lady Gaga on the jukebox and eating cheesy grits that my life is back to exactly where I want it to be. In that moment, I wouldn't have changed a damn thing. (even the extremely weirded out glances from the patrons at the bar. Yeah, we were wearing black, it's slimming!)

Do I have a plan for my future? Absolutely not. Is that frightening? Not anymore. The hardest part of ending my relationship was absolutely giving up on my life plan, but now I can honestly say it was the best decision I've ever made. I can get married and have kids and a house and a proper art room all in good time and certainly not on a timeline situation ever again.

I feel like most people become jaded because of terrible ex-relationship situations but what I've gained from this is not that I hate him or I never want to be in a relationship again, it's only that I absolutely refuse to let someone strip me of who I am ever again. To the next man who has the pleasure of falling in love with me, I'm extraordinarily odd, but very simple.
Who doesn't want someone to simply just love them, flaws and all? Who doesn't want a partner that they can share small victories with? Who doesn't want a partner that simply wants to spend time with them for the mere fact that they enjoy that person's company?

That's, rather simply, the mission that I remain on.

Carry on my friends, Frankie's back with an insatiable appetite for life.