My whole life I've had to deal with people that I've loved and depended on, leaving me. Time and time again. From fathers to friends, the pain never lessens. Each and every time it adds a layer of doubt, suspicion, and hate to my heart. After so many years of being distrustful, I still try to find ways to let love in. I've nearly killed myself with hard talks and forgiveness and letting the past die with yesterday.
That doesn't mean that it ever gets any easier to have someone who means the world to you, give up and walk away. It feels as if my heart has been torn and shattered to where my emotions can't even communicate with one another through the remnants of what was a mending soul.
I feel like I've failed. I'm flawed. I'm unfixable. Unlovable. Useless. And sorry. So sorry.
Today, I don't feel like a very strong woman. I feel like an eight year old little girl who just lost the one reason that gave her life meaning.
Hopefully, I find a new meaning. But today, I just want to sit and cry.
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