Tower

There are days that I look in the mirror and think, what in the world am I doing? I second guess myself, I chalk my life up as a failure, I dread leaving my bed...as I sit and ponder all the things that are terribly wrong, or that could go disastrously wrong I start to crumble. Will I be happy? Will I be content? Will I be healthy? Will my loved ones do the same? Every day a new worry or fear crops up into my brain like a disease and I realize, no matter how long I sit and ponder all the things that are wrong in this world, that nothing is ever going to change or improve by me sitting around and crumbling into a ball of holy shit.

As humans, we constantly are taught to strive for the best, to be the best, to have it all...well I'm definitely not the best, (and I most certainly don't have much, not even close to it all) but I can proudly say that I may be the best sister, or daughter, or godmother, or friend, or girlfriend that I know. I try harder than most people to be there for those that I care about and to try and be understanding in all situations. To me, that's more important that being the prettiest, or the most successful, or even the smartest. I try my best to put my mask on and face the world, always trying to be there for someone, because I know, if I had a me in my life, that she would need me there for her.

There is no best in this world, there are only those who try the hardest. Those who never give up, despite any and every set back. The problem with these people, is that over time we break, we crack, and we reinforce our walls to try and protect ourselves from ever being damaged again. We need people to extend a smile, a hug, a word of wisdom but we are too tough to ask.

This, precisely, is why the world is full of assholes. People who have built their walls so tall and thick that they've lost touch with others. Being vulnerable is NOT a trait we see as desirable in our society but I swear to you, we need it. We need expression. Communication. Human beings thrive on any connection to someone else. How strange the feeling that whatever battle you're waging, that someone else is indeed struggling with the same fear, the same demons. How amazing it is to be able to reach out and have someone on your side to help you through the dark times.

I guess what I'm getting at, is there are some battles I'm tired of fighting alone. I'm over being on the verge of tears at every turn. I'm exhausted trying to always do the right things. And if that's where I'm at, I know someone else is too. I'm at a dead end on my road, my options are to drastically change and turn left, or someone's gotta give so I can turn right. We'll see the outcome. But for today, please, try and make a difference in someone's life. We are all struggling in one way or another. No one is perfect. Everyone needs something that they are not getting. You are most certainly, not alone.